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Things I Have Learned From My Kids
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX . (poor woman)
Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house
4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20X20 foot room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying
glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
- The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight